NO ROOM FOR IT’S ROOTS Part 3

Sometimes I’ll see someone like they’re standing right in front of me, but I only see their face.  A perfect circle of golden light about the size of their face surrounded by darkness.

These people are always so happy.  And beautiful beyond belief.  Each time I think that one is the most beautiful of all, but they’re all absolutely, totally, flawlessly, perfectly beautiful.

I bought a book written by a man who was elderly when he died.  When I started to read it, suddenly there he was.  He had no age, was very handsome, laughing and happy.  I got his message clearly: “She’s reading my book!”  Now that made me laugh.  Why would he be so thrilled that an obscure person was reading his book? Was I the only person on the planet reading it?  Or was it that I needed to read it badly?  Don’t know.

When my daughter was killed the city people were using her side kitchen door which everyone used so we sat on the patio next door waiting.  I’ll skip over everything to this part – after being there a long time suddenly there was a circle of light on my shoulder.  It surrounded my daughter’s face.  Her head was lying on my shoulder and her eyes were closed.  Later someone took me home, she was still with me, in the same position.

I knew I wouldn’t sleep but I went to bed anyway.  I lay there watching her sleep.  Even though her head was close to mine I could still see her face.  Just before daylight she opened her eyes.  I watcher her eyes, saw the puzzle in them, saw her remember what had happened to her, watched as a tear flowed out of each eye.

She seemed to realize she had her head on my shoulder and sat up.  She was very close and I could see her like I always had.  I could see the struggle on her face – she knew she wasn’t here any longer, yet I was the first person she saw – from there.  I had talked to her about seeing dead people, and she figured it out.  In her eyes came the beginning of understanding, then the entire thing vanished.

She stayed with me for a few years.  Even when I couldn’t see her I could feel her presence.  I had kept some of her things and was going to have to move to a bigger place.  Each time I thought about an apartment she would place a hand on my shoulder.  I learned she was telling me that wasn’t the right apartment.  I finally found the right one.  I was writing an email to a friend of hers, telling her I wouldn’t be able to go there as I would then live in a place that my daughter had never been.  Didn’t think I could stand it.  Suddenly there she is – in my new apartment.  It was like a cut-away with a wall missing.  She was walking through the rooms.  Then she stopped in the hallway, turned and looked straight at me.  I stopped complaining and moved.  She went there with me.

Another time I was sending an email to someone about her dying and there she is in front of me, dancing around, kicking her legs, throwing her arms around, and saying, “Yeah, I’m dead!  I’m dead!”  She was so funny.

I missed her presence one night and wondered where she was.  Then I saw her.  My younger son was sitting at his computer.  She was standing behind him, her hands on the back of the chair, looking over his shoulder at his computer.  She visited all of us.

She stayed with me a few years, with my breaking heart.  When her murderer was sentenced to prison she was jubilant.  Almost immediately she showed me her back which meant she had to go.  She came over and kissed my forehead, then turned away again, then came back again and again to kiss me again  She knew when she came back here she would be someone else so this was it.  I don’t think people ‘recycle’ this fast normally, but I had already been shown that she was coming back to us.  She was laughing and happy because of that.  For me it was bittersweet.

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VISIONS Part 4

 

This is the first major, breath-taking vision that I remember. I was married and had young children when it happened. I was so stunned by it and it’s presentation that I actually told my husband about it. Big mistake.

It was night. I was sitting in the passenger side of a car, just sitting there like I was waiting for something or someone. The door on the driver’s side opened and a man got in. I didn’t know him but I knew of him, had heard of him. I was surprised to see him. I didn’t seem to think it odd how he looked; acted like I didn’t see the Western hat, the huge sunglasses, and that the bottom of his face, beneath the sunglasses, was covered with a mask. The mask was formed like a human face. He had a presence that was unique. In the vision I knew who he was. I was engaged to be married in the vision. He said, “You’re not going marry him, you’re going to marry me.!” Perplexed, I just looked at him. He started the car and drove off as I thought, “He’s a good driver.”

We drove to an old house which was in my neighborhood; the house was from another century. The outside of the house was the same. Inside it was totally different. Much bigger, with a ton of people milling about like they were having a party. My ‘fiancee’ was there, standing by a long table with some other people. He was my real-life husband. He was wearing a suit that he had when we got married but no longer owned. The Man with me gave him the same message: “She’s not going to marry you; she’s going to marry me.” Then we turned our back on the party and, hand in hand, walked toward the stairs.

The stairs were very wide and covered with furniture. From side to side, from top to bottom, chairs, sofas, tables, whatever, the stairs were covered with furniture. We just looked at each other and started to climb over it. If I had trouble as I struggled to climb over the barrier,  he helped me, pulling me across the obstacle that blocked the way,  both of us laughing all the while.

I don’t know how long we climbed or how many floors, but suddenly we were at the top. We stepped onto a landing that faced a wall. Suddenly I had to use the bathroom. There was a door to our left that he opened. It was supposed to be a bathroom. It was much larger than most bathrooms and had no fixtures except a large toilet bowl in the middle of the room. No tank, no sink, just boxes stacked around the walls like the room was used for storage.

It was the toilet bowl that claimed my attention immediately. Not one like you see in a home, but one that is always used in public restroom – big white bowl with a black seat that was split in the front the way those black seats always are, not a complete circle. A public toilet. I was dismayed but said nothing. Still, I didn’t want to sit on a public toilet. Toilets in a dream have to do with cleansing. And this was a public toilet.

I closed the door as he waited outside, then the scene changed. I was up on the bowl with a foot on either side of the seat, stooping down. (Sorry about the graphics). I heard voices and looked back at the door that I had entered. It, too, had changed. It was wood on the bottom and a single pane of glass formed the top half. Outside the door was the Man and an old lady. He was saying to her, “Take care of her. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

I turned to look at the room around me with boxes on the floor and stacked against the walls. When I turned back around, the Man and the old lady were gone. Suddenly I noticed another door right beside the one I had entered. Earlier when we stopped on the the landing we faced a wall that apparently had another room on the other side of it. Now there was a door that I hadn’t noticed before. It led into that room and it, too, was half wood, half glass. There was a wall phone beside the door on the inside of that room. Standing directly in front of the door with the handset to his ear was my husband at that time. He was looking me straight in the eye. We looked at each other for a minute, then the vision vanished.

 

~~~~~Bathrooms have to do with cleansing. The boxes represent the psychological content of our Consciousness that we have stored in our brains that eventually must be looked at, considered and emptied. That’s the cleansing of the brain of the past. It’s part of spiritual growth.

As I finished writing each of these posts back in the Spring of 2014, I published them on a forum. They didn’t stay up long as I felt I had bared my soul, and it was unnerving. I couldn’t rest till I deleted them.

I see them differently now.